


Lily Evans And The Marauders Map

by The_Gay_Infiltrator



Series: 24 Days of Fanfic for Cowgirlchica [3]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Everyone Is Sarcastic, James has difficulties, M/M, MWPP, Mr. Prongs is not okay, Tbh this is very cracky, lily is confused af, they all ship it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Gay_Infiltrator/pseuds/The_Gay_Infiltrator





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cowgirlchica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirlchica/gifts).



Lily picked up the piece of paper on the table and stared at it critically. It was blank, which did nothing to satisfy her questions about why James, Peter, Sirius, and Remus made such a big deal of it. Of course, blank paper in the wizarding world was very different from blank paper in the Muggle world. She tapped it with her wand. "Reveal your secrets."   
Words began to appear along the top of the map, in loopy cursive.   
Mr. Moony would like to advise Miss Evans to leave before all hell breaks loose.  
The writing continued across the page, except now it changed to neat capital letters.   
Mr. Padfoot would like Miss Evans not to go because he is particularly looking forward to Mr. Prongs's reaction.   
The writing shifted to little bubble letters.   
Mr. Wormtail would like to add that Miss Evans can do whatever she wishes.  
Finally, the writing shifted to smudgy, slanting cursive.   
Mr. Prongs would like to ask Miss Evans to stay and would furthermore like to inquire whether she has ever had feelings for a lad named James Potter.   
Mr. Moony thinks that subtlety is lost on Mr. Prongs.   
Mr. Padfoot would like to ask Mr. Moony to speak in English, please.  
Mr. Moony argues that subtlety is not a difficult word.  
Mr. Wormtail suggests that Messrs. Padfoot and Moony return their attention to Miss Evans.   
Mr. Prongs agrees, but would like to add that Messrs. Padfoot and Moony should get a room.   
Mr. Moony hopes that Miss Evans will put the parchment down before Messrs. Prongs and Padfoot resort to fisticuffs.   
Mr. Prongs disagrees, as firstly, he and Mr. Padfoot have not engaged in fisticuffs for almost a month, and second, he is still waiting for an answer to the James Potter question he posed earlier.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks James Potter pales in comparison next to Severus Snape.   
Messrs. Moony and Wormtail advise Mr. Padfoot to shut up before Mr. Prongs hears.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Padfoot should bugger off and shove his head up his arse.   
Mr. Padfoot argues that it was a joke and that Mr. Prongs needs to cool his head.   
Mr. Wormtail would like to draw their attention back to Miss Evans.   
Mr. Moony seconds that motion.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Messrs. Wormtail and Moony need to mind their own business.   
Mr. Moony is aware that Mr. Padfoot started it.  
Mr. Padfoot would like to point out that Mr. Moony is a werewolf.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot's puns are not funny.   
Mr. Prongs would like to inquire whether it is Mr. Moony's ~time of the month~ again.   
Mr. Moony begs Mr. Prongs to shut the fuck up.   
Mr. Wormtail would like to reprimand Mr. Moony for his unnecessary use of profanity.   
Mr. Moony disregards Mr. Wormtail's reprimand and thinks that Mr. Padfoot should back him up here.   
Mr. Padfoot registers that he is too amazing to assist Mr. Moony.   
Mr. Moony thinks that Mr. Padfoot is a git.   
Mr. Prongs reiterates that he thinks Messrs. Padfoot and Moony should get a room.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Prongs is also a git.   
Mr. Padfoot agrees.   
Mr. Wormtail also agrees, but would like to point out that Mr. Padfoot is also a git.   
Mr. Moony has expressed that in every way available to the English language, but Mr. Padfoot never listens.   
Mr. Padfoot is too awesome to listen to Mr. Moony.   
Mr. Prongs thinks he is much awesomer than Mr. Padfoot.   
Mr. Moony objects that 'awesomer' is not a word and thinks Mr. Prongs should learn grammar.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony should remove his nose from his business and stick it in a book.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Prongs ought to be stuffed.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks that being stuffed is perhaps a little harsh.   
Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Padfoot.   
Mr. Wormtail asks that Messrs. Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs stop bickering.  
Mr. Moony agrees to stop bickering.   
Mr. Padfoot also agrees.   
Mr. Prongs agrees, but only if Miss Evans reveals her true feelings for James Potter.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks James Potter is an insufferable git.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Padfoot is a more insufferable git.   
Messrs. Wormtail and Moony would like to remind Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs that they agreed to stop bickering.   
Mr. Padfoot would like to say that Miss Evans looks exceptionally gorgeous today.  
Mr. Moony warns Mr. Padfoot that this is not a good idea.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony should stop being such a spoilsport, and would like to add that Miss Evans should wear her hair down more often.   
Mr. Wormtail would like to inquire if Mr. Prongs is doing alright.  
Mr. Prongs registers that he is not doing alright.   
Mr. Padfoot would furthermore like to add that Miss Evan's cat is a terror, and that she should get a dog instead.   
Mr. Moony suggests that Mr. Padfoot should shut up.   
Mr. Padfoot wonders if Mr. Moony is going to make him.  
Mr. Moony registers that if Mr. Padfoot does not shut up, he is going to eat him.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks that would be excellent.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot should control his mouth.   
Mr. Padfoot can definitely control his mouth.   
Mr. Prongs is laughing his ass off.   
Mr. Wormtail hopes he does not discover Messrs. Padfoot and Moony at an inopportune moment.   
Mr. Prongs agrees wholeheartedly with Mr. Wormtail.   
Mr. Wormtail promises Mr. Prongs that, should that happen, he would be more than happy to provide eye bleach.   
Mr. Prongs is very grateful for Mr. Wormtail, and promises that he will also be happy to provide eye bleach.   
Messrs. Moony and Padfoot don't think this is funny.   
Mr. Prongs thinks this is hilarious.   
Mr. Moony suggests again that Miss Evans leave this clusterfuck alone.   
Mr. Padfoot is indignant that Mr. Moony called this a clusterfuck.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot is a fucktruck.   
Mr. Padfoot retorts that Mr. Moony is using too much profanity.   
Mr. Moony would like to inquire since when has Mr. Padfoot cared.   
Mr. Padfoot has always cared.   
Mr. Moony disagrees.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is disagreeing just to be irritating.   
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot is fuckening annoying.   
Mr. Wormtail wonders where Mr. Moony gets these swears.   
Mr. Moony comes up with all of these mcfucking swears himself.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Moony should chill out.   
Mr. Moony is chilled out.   
Mr. Padfoot disagrees ;)...  
Mr. Prongs thinks that that is too much information from Mr. Padfoot.   
Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Prongs needs to go soak his head.   
Mr. Wormtail strongly suggests that Miss Evans put the paper down and leave.   
Mr. Prongs doesn't want Miss Evans to go.   
Messrs. Moony and Wormtail think it would be for the best.   
Mr. Prongs thinks Mr. Padfoot should back him up.   
Mr. Padfoot is of the strong opinion Mr. Prongs should fight his own battles.   
Mr. Moony really hopes that Miss Evans will take his and Mr. Wormtail's advice and leave.   
Lily looked at the paper, gaping, and then she put it back down where it had been. "What the hell?" She murmured to herself as she went back up to her dorm room.   
Was it her imagination, or did 'Prongs' seem a lot like James? And 'Moony' like Remus, 'Padfoot' like Sirius, and 'Wormtail' like Peter? It had to be a coincidence. Nobody could be that much like them. 

 

Remus sat in the Marauders’s dorm, looking through the book that kept records of everything the Marauders Map said. He grinned at the one time they had ‘forgotten’ the map in potions with the Slytherins and Snape had found it. The insults delivered by the Map were excellent. Then, he noticed that new words were appearing on the next empty page, and that it was quite long. As he read through it, he found himself getting redder and redder. His magic did, in fact, accurately portray his attraction to Sirius through his usual channels (being sarcastic and just a bit tsundere because he doesn't deal with feelings well). However, Sirius’s magic, although Sirius flirted with him every so often, seemed to be really laying it on thick. After a bit of consideration, Remus slammed the book shut and stood up. “Sirius!” He called, heading down to the common room looking for him.   
Things were about to change (also James would subsequently owe Peter a Galleon).


End file.
